Yuck, gnats.

This weekend I am helping my parents make their move from Mesa, AZ to Parker, CO. Luckily, the most tedious part of the move is over, and that is the actual moving from here to there. Or... would it be there to here? Because I am here, but I see it as there, 'cause it is not where I will be living when all is said and done.

All well and good, yes, but I'm starting to wander. While I was helping my parents load, it occurred to me that they had multiple items that served the same purpose, like excercise equipment, lamps, dressers, lawn mowers, etc., etc. It filled the overly-large truck that my parents had rented to move everything, and they still left crap behind.

The thing that really struck me that most of this excess was sitting in the garage, and had been sitting there for years. I even had a couple of boxes of crap from the time(s) I lived with them, and most of it was stuff that I had forgotten I had. I threw most of it out, I really didn't feel like holding on to a tin of Canadian Spam, or seeds for a Chia Pet I no longer own. It all bothered me though. All this stuff. All this old, forgotten, useless stuff. I really hope I don't have several dresser/drawer sets when I move into my third house.

I can understand keeping photos and old 8mm movies, but an 8-track player? When all the 8-tracks have been converted to CD format years ago? Two weed wackers? I've never even seen weeds be wacked with those.

How does all this stuff accumalate? Why do we keep it around?

If you're reading this, and you know me, please promise me that if I ever, ever, fill a moving van with crap I'll never use again, shoot me.

Thanks!

-D out.

Words. Fail. Me.

Well, what other reaction would you expect from a movie where, and I will put this in both bold and italic to emphasize my point, children are eaten by piranhas?

Allow me to backdrop the previous statement.

A 1978 flick, Piranha, looks, acts, and feels like a cheap Jaws rip-off, and it's only right. Featuring people getting eaten while swimming, diving, participating in water activities in general, one can't help but look to it's obvious influence of Steven Spielberg's classic that actually drove a friend of mine from the bathtub for years.

In this movie, there is a children's summer camp. It is the first stop on the way to the ocean. During an afternoon of water activity, the children are told to line up and use the buddy system. The children find their respective partner, and hold their hands high. (I'll come back to this.) So, while the children are participating in relay races in the water, the piranhas attack.

Yes, they do.

So, panic ensues as the children try to reach shore. Using underwater "piranha cams" we're treated to shots of plastic piranhas butting their noses against adolescent flesh. One girl gets pulled under, and the fish swarm her. How do I know she was eaten alive?

Because when all the kids were back on shore, holding their hands high with their "buddies," one child was:

1. standing by herself, and
2. crying hysterically.

If that wasn't enough to make any top ten list, allow me to end this post with a couple of choice quotes from the movie. (It's a real shame I hadn't seen this gem while I was still quote warring with a co-worker about a year ago.)

"We'll pollute the bastards to death!"

"Live from Lost River Lake. Terror, horror, death. Film at 11."

Lackey: "Sir, it's about the piranhas.."
Resort mogul: "Didn't I tell you not to say that word?"
Lackey: "That's the thing, sir..."
Resort mogul: "What about the piranhas?"
Lackey: "They're eating the guests, sir."

-D out.

P.S. There's a sequel.

Riddle me this...

Why do people applaud at the end of movies? It's not like the theatre cares you liked the movie, as they already have your money. It's not like the people who made the movie care, because they already got the money from the production studio. It's not like I care, because I know my applause won't find a random rip in the space-time continuum and find its way back to the people who made the movie while they were making it. You see, I understand how the universe works, and you're just annoying me with how stupid you are.

-D out.